Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Ask Dr. Brutus Session 2

So it's been a bit longer than planned for my second session of #AskDrBrutus. In between mom and dad leaving us with the dogsitter, grandma coming to visit and finishing up all the details for #Dudefest, my plate has been a bit full. But fear not my dear readers. We got our second snow storm of the season this week so I'll be spending a lot more time in front of the fire answering your questions.

As a reminder, I'm not an expert on anything at all but I love to talk and share my opinion! Anyone is welcome to submit questions of any sort by tweeting the hashtag #AskDrBrutus or sending questions to @AskDrBrutus and I'll do some research, tell you what I think and we'll all have a great time.

*Of course, as I'm not a vet, medical expert, trainer, psychologist or any other expert please take my advice as you would that of your furiends and neighbors and consult a real expert if you have serious problems and issues. I don't want anyone to get hurt!

Question: How come hoomans don't got tails?

Answer: Evolution is a tricky thing and in many ways, humans do have tails, they just aren't like those of dogs and cats because humans no longer need them for everyday functions. Before a human becomes a fetus the embryo does have a tail but it is absorbed during development. Also, the tailbone is a reminent of a tail and can still be broken although it doesn't stick out of their bodies. Personally, I like having a tail. I use it as a weapon and regularly raise welts on my humans' legs. Hee, hee, hee!

Question: How can I tell if Frederick is a girl frog? Also, @FrogBuddha's tankmate Bert acts like a girl when humping. Why?

Answer: We had a lot of humping questions this session so let's start with the basics. Humping is a basic animal instinct when it comes to reproductive drive. Without getting too graphic, humping is natural and perfectly appropriate action. Sometimes it is also a way for animals to establish dominance.

As to your first question, figuring out what sex a frog is can be difficult and appears to depend on the kind of frog you and Fredrick are. Without knowing that, there are some possible ways including the male frog having bigger ears than their eyes, males are the only ones who call or sing, and females are often bigger in overall size. During the breeding season some male frogs develop what are called nuptial pads on the inner part of their limbs or digits. Some species have no external differences at all. So, if you can compare Fredrick's ears to his eyes or check his legs for pads or if you have never heard him make any sounds, you might be about to figure out if Fredrick is a boy or girl.

Finally, I am not really sure what a girl frog looks like humping. Given the nature of these things, I think that as long as Bert is on top and is the one doing the humping, he's probably the boy!

Question: My Bruder is a lil 4 lb chihuahua. He pounces on Big Eye (see photo), humps like a wild thing and then springs off off him and pants like mad! Da ugly doll's name is Big Eye, but when my Bruder is "dating him" we call him Poked Eye. Go here to watch the video of Spike's adventure with a date before Poked Eye.

Answer: Well, boys will be boys as they say. And if your brother is without his manly parts, the least you can do is let him go about his business with a toy that is much bigger than he is! Having seen the photo of Poked Eye, the ugly doll does not seem to be suffering any long-term damage (just don't put it in your mouth after he's done, ewww!).

Question: Will too many cookies make my butt look too big?

Answer: Daffy, while it is always a good idea to eat sensibly and get plenty of exercise, a wonderful cookie now and then will not make your butt look big. You've been working so hard collecting all of the bunny niblets for #Dudefest that you deserve an extra cookie. In fact, have 2 on me!

Much more to come on the next session of #AskDrBrutus!

Dr. Brutus


  1. for dos of U wanting to see my bruder Spike do a little humpin, here he is:

    from @mattiedog

  2. Dis was a wonderful education. Luv, AylaLab

  3. OH Mattie you are terrible !!! BOL
    Dr. Bru as usual very good information.
    Love the column!